So, girls,
you're out there, you're selling cookies,
someone approaches you... what do you say?
"Would you like to buy some cookies?"
No.
Again... we say,
"How many cookies would you like to buy?"
See, a Frontier Girl never gives 'em
the chance to say no.
You must always remember...
...if your mother tells me not to buy it,
then I can't buy it.
Hi. Sorry.
Sorry. Sorry.
My wife had to take the twins to the doctor. Yeah.
I told her, "Just bring one of 'em,
and we'll double the medicine."
Yeah.
Have a seat.
I'll have a seat.
Excuse me.
Sorry. Excuse me.
Oh God, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Are you okay?
I'm really sorry. I'm sorry.
Excuse me. Sorry. All right. I'm sorry.
I stepped on a child.
- Oh, sorry. - It's okay.
I'm...
I'm sorry. Real sorry.
All right. Where was I?
Okay. I was about to remind you
of the most important rule of sales.
It's "A-B-C"... "Always be closing."
Girls?
"Always be closing."
Do you want to sell cookies?
Again.
Always be closing!
Very good.
Okay.
Now... this year's prizes.
Top seller on the board
gets this beautiful beach chair and umbrella set.
Second prize is a uniform patch.
And the third prize...
you're out of the troop.
I was only... I'm kidding, it's not true.
I'm just... you know, I was just joking.
I'm sorry.
The third prize
is this sheet of wildlife stickers.
That's... no, I like that,
That's got monkeys on it, right? Yeah.
I like monkeys.
Okay, girls,
it's time to go with Mrs. Manning.
She's going to teach you how to make a pinhole camera
out of an orange juice container.
Everybody brought their orange juice containers?
You know what, Ally?
I got a real camera in the car.
Great pictures, no pulp.
...and, Moms, in addition to your door-to-door sales,
I'll be assigning locations for your cookie-selling booths.
There's coffee and snacks here if you want them.
Boy, she takes this stuff seriously, huh?
Peggy? Oh, yeah.
And you can forget about getting that beach chair.
She's a killer.
What do you mean?
I thought the girls sell the cookies.
Yeah, right.
Hello, Ally's dad. I'm Molly's mom.
Hi, hi, I'm Ray.
I'm giving you Lickety-Split Cleaners. That's where
Debra and Ally can set up on the sidewalk
- and sell cookies. - Well, and it might not be Debra.
I could be out there with Ally.
I'm one of those very involved dads.
Good for you.
Here you go.
Listen, sorry about the joke before. I didn't mean...
No, I enjoyed it immensely. It was very, very funny.
Damn! I got Peetie's!
What... the muffler place? Peetie's?
Peetie's! I can't do anything with this deadbeat spot.
No foot traffic.
She gives herself Marco's Pizza every year.
That's why she wins.
Man, that's totally bogus.
Peetie's!
Excuse me.
Uh, Peggy, uh, I'm sorry,
but Peetie's is kind of out of the way for me.
Oh. Okay.
I'm sure that Ally's dad
wouldn't mind switching with you.
What? Huh? Me? Peetie's?
Yeah. Switch your card with Sarah.
You don't mind, do you?
Well, actually, Peetie's, we're...
What was that?
Nothing.
Thanks, Ally's dad.
Hey, good luck.
Maybe you'll get those monkey stickers.
- Hi, Mommy. - Hey, honey. How was your meeting?
Could you come next time?
Sure.
Hey, don't ever do that to me again, okay?
What?
Send me to one of those meetings.
I was the only guy in that henhouse.
Really, really. I shouldn't have to do that.
What, spend time with your daughter?
Oh, don't put your twist on it, okay?
And what's with that troop leader?
Peggy? She's all right.
Oh, I should have known. You're best friends.
I hardly know her,
but I appreciate all the organization she does.
She's a great troop leader.
Yeah, so was Hitler.
Similar uniform, too.
Look at this. Huh?
Peetie's. Can you believe that?!
That's the worst cookie spot!
Peetie's!
How do you know?
Everybody knows!
Come on. I had Lickety-Split,
but she forced me to trade it for Peetie's muffler place.
And then she gets Marco's, the best spot!
How did she force you?
How? She ripped it out of my hand...
I'm lucky I have a hand still.
Let me tell you something...
this lady doesn't know who she's dealing with.
I'm gonna take this cookie sign-up sheet to work.
I'll hang it up at Madison Square Garden.
Yeah.
Little Miss Peggy won't know what hit her.
I'll be bringing home that sweet sweet beach chair.
Ray, Ally should sell her own cookies.
That's how we've always done it in the past.
Yeah, and that's why every time we go to the beach
we gotta sit in the freakin' sand, okay?
No, uh-uh.
No more.
No more, baby.
Let Peggy clean the sand outta her behind!
Give me the sheet.
No no, this is for Madison Square Garden.
Give me the sheet.
Come on!
Ray.
All right, fine.
Don't come crying to me
when you're out there this summer
in the hot sand, goin' like this...
How about this, huh?
Sittin' around, havin' cookies and milk...
this is nice.
- Hey. - Was nice.
Hello, Raymond.
Oh, I'm so happy you're here.
- You hungry? - No, not really.
You'll have some cookies and milk, here.
He said he didn't want any.
He doesn't know what he wants.
Well, he's not getting any of these.
You know, I'm glad you're buying these cookies.
Debra wouldn't let me
take Ally's sign-up sheet to work.
We could have been the cookie champions of the world.
We didn't buy these from Ally.
What do you mean?
Well, a lady and her daughter
just came to our door.
What lady?
I don't know. A very nice lady.
I think her name was, uh... Peggy.
Peggy?!
"Let Raymond have some cookies."
How could you buy cookies from Peggy?!
We were hungry.
Don't you know that Ally is selling
the very same cookies?!
I liked that Peg and her little girl... cute as a button.
Didn't say a word, but simply precious.
- She was darling. - More darling than your granddaughter?
Of course not! We love Ally.
Ally is delightful.
You are gonna do something about her teeth though, aren't you?
Her teeth?!
We've always felt bad
that we didn't have yours fixed.
Maybe you did... I used the 400 bucks
to buy a belt sander.
Wait a minute, what's wrong with my teeth?
Have you ever looked in your mouth?
It's like a prison riot.
And that little girl's hair, with those lovely braids.
Yeah, yeah, like Heidi in the mountains.
Ally has nice hair.
Ally's hair...
What?!
She's got beautiful hair,
but someone has to groom it properly.
How many times have I offered to take her to my beauty salon?
So she can have this look?
Better this look than...
Ally's hair is fine!
Even if she looked like an iguana,
you should have bought cookie from her instead of a stranger.
A stranger who happens to be my arch-enemy.
Ohh, you have an arch-enemy.
What are you, a superhero now?
"Captain Big Nose."
"I'm gonna blow you away!"
Hey, Ray, you gotta...
Ah ah ah ah... look at this.
You see this? You happy now?
Oh, where'd these come from?
Not from us!
Don't worry, Raymond.
We'll buy a box from Ally, too.
A box? One box?
No. No more cookies.
We're not the Rockefellers.
One box for me.
I'll get the apple cinnamon because it's low-fat.
Not after you butter 'em.
You know who they got these from?
Your friend Peggy Hitler.
You have a friend named Hitler?
She's not my friend.
But her last name is Hitler?
She's not a Hitler.
She invaded our territory.
See, now I feel bad for Ally.
We'll buy more than one box from her.
No, we're not!
Braid her hair, fix her teeth,
and come back next year!
Okay, you know, everybody, don't worry.
You don't have to buy any more cookies,
all the money goes to the same troop.
That's not the point!
This woman poached our own family!
What is it with you and "this woman"?!
I don't like her.
And why don't you like her?
What do you mean? She's pushy and annoying and... and...
And she's a woman?
What?! I never said that.
Oh, come on, Ray.
You wouldn't act like this if a man did this.
A man wouldn't do this.
Okay.
Did you hear that?
You don't like women.
Who likes women?
I like women.
Don't lie, Raymond.
What are you talking about?
Well, I always felt you had a problem with women.
A problem with women, like who?
Well, me, for instance.
What?!
You're my mother, you're not a woman.
Dr. Freud on line one for you, Raymond.
You had this problem your whole life,
ever since you could talk.
- What was the problem? - You didn't want to talk.
To you. He didn't want to talk to you.
Exactly. He doesn't understand women,
because women need to talk things out, and you've never wanted to.
- She's right. - Oh, here we go.
You don't want a woman who talks or needs anything
and the moment a woman expresses herself,
- she belongs in the henhouse. - Amen.
You should hear how he talks about this Peggy.
- Calls her Hitler. - Will you stop it?
I don't have to stop. I have no problem with women.
You have no women.
He's worried about Peggy, or any woman,
beating him out of a beach chair.
It's not about a beach chair anymore.
This woman... this person is mean.
This person is a bully
who bullies people in a mean way!
And because she wants the beach chair
as much as he does,
he calls her names.
He has a problem with women.
I don't know how you got that way.
I hate that Peggy.
Just wondering... this Hitler woman,
she's not a single mom, is she?
Uh, why are we setting up here?
I thought we were going to Peetie's.
A little change of plans, sweetie.
There we go.
It's nice here at Marco's, isn't it?
Let's fix your hair a little.
- Ow! - I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
You know what they say... "Eye appeal is buy appeal."
Oh, customers. Come on, stand up straight.
How many cookies would you like to buy?
How about zero?
You could be a little louder,
just a little more forceful. Like this. Watch.
- Cookies, cookies, cookies! - Oh, no, thank you.
- Creamy! Chocolate fudgy! - That's okay.
- Delicious cookies. - Cookies, Mommy.
I'm sorry, sweetie, but we haven't had our lunch yet.
- I want cookies! - No. Come on.
- Double chocolate chip. - I want cookies!
All right.
Just one box for after lunch.
Okay, sure. Thank you.
And the Frontier Girls thank you.
Yeah. He's gonna be bouncing off the walls now, you jerk.
See? That's how we do it.
Now, we'll use this box here,
we'll put money in this box...
we'll put that right here.
We'll get everything set...
Oh. Hello.
What are you doing here?
I'm watching my daughter sell cookies.
But this is my spot.
Is that so?
I think you know that.
I think you know where my parents live.
Molly, why don't you go inside for a few minutes
and get some ice cream?
Ally, why don't you go with Molly
and get some ice cream? Her mom's treating.
- Thanks, Dad. - Thanks, Mom.
Come on!
I had you pegged
the minute you walked in the door.
If you're going to be part of the organization,
there's one thing you need to understand.
What's that? "A-B-C"? "Always be cranky"?
Look, I want you to get out of here.
Why? This is a great spot. I'm selling tons of cookies.
In our organization, there are some rules that everyone must follow.
Yeah, your rules.
That's right. Read the sash.
Listen, lady.
When you came out to my street and sold to my family,
you crossed a line!
Your family happens to live in my neighborhood,
so yeah, I sold to them.
And you know what?
I enjoyed it.
You are despicable!
They were good customers.
Peanut clouds...
- cinnamon swirls... - All right!
Ding-a-longs, chocolate waves...
Stop it.
They were loving it.
You should have seen the looks on their faces.
Especially the giant and the bald one.
Yeah, well, you didn't even scratch the surface, okay?
You have no idea
what those two are capable of putting away.
Are you gonna move?
I don't think so, Peggy.
Last chance.
I'm right here.
All right,
are you gonna get off my spot?
Never!
Hey, what are you doing?!
I got it under control, Deb.
He took my spot.
I don't care what he did.
Nobody...
beats up my husband.
She didn't beat me up.
You got a problem, you take it up with me.
I can handle this, Deb.
You know what I think, Peggy?
You are a bully.
I don't like bullies.
You come near my husband again,
you're gonna have a real problem.
- Hi, Mommy. - Hi, Mommy.
- Hey, hey! - Hi, kids.
How's that ice cream, huh?
What happened?
Uh, Daddy tripped.
And I was helping him up.
- Well, it was good to see you again, Peg. - Good to see you, Deb.
So Mol, let's go set up in front of the laundromat.
You know what's a good spot? Peetie's!
See? No problem with women.
You thought I had a problem, but you said she's a bully.
- Clean this up. - Yes, ma'am.
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